it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
