so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
