I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
