why didn't you poke me back
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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