There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
