You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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