Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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