your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
