The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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