When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
