I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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