Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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