Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
