are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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