what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
