I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
cat food counts as protein by the way
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
