I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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