It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
