After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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