My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
