Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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