drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
