Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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