Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
