i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
