people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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