he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
