she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
