a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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