thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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