I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
