whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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