haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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