Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
