College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
