Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
