I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
