apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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