So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
