If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
