i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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