her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize