I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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