How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
