u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
