I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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