you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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