Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
