...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
