If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize