the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
