moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
