I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
