last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
