Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
