Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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