They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
