so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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