He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
