You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
