i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
