i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
