I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
