My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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