Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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