I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
