you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
