"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
